Aliens

Directed by: James Cameron
Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn, Lance Henricksen, Bill Paxton, Paul Riser

To say that the first Alien movie was a groundbreaking achievement in scifi horror would be an understatement comparable to saying that Einstein’s discovery of General Relativity was only mildly important to the world of physics and blowing shit up.

And the same, in a certain way, can be said about the sequel, Aliens. While the first Alien was a nail biting thriller of what’s-around-the-next-corner suspense, it wasn’t until Aliens that the franchise became an all out ammo blazing, gut spewing scifi action flick of epic proportions. And it is Aliens, not Alien, that has spawned a tsunami of clones, both good and horrible (i.e. Pitch Black – which is good, and Alien vs. Predator – which is horrible…oddly enough.)

Did you know that Sigourney Weaver won the Oscar for Best Actress in a Lead Role in 1986 for this film? How cool is that?! Only in the eighties would a kick-ass scifi action win best Actress. Now days the award would have to go to some actress in a movie full of other actresses who spend all their time crying about tedious bullshit and whining about their abusive boyfriends/husbands/fathers/etc. until ultimately finding all the love they need within themselves by making a quilt of their collective dead grandmother’s cooking aprons…that’s the sort of lame ass shit that wins Best Actress these days! And it would have some God awful sappy name like “Gammy’s Apron” or “Rosebuds upon the Sea of Forgiveness” or “This Movie Will Already Be Featured On the Lifetime Network by Next Week.”

Give me a Tic-Tac!

Another thing that gives this movie lasting appeal are the special effects. Aliens was made long before the crutch of CGI was anywhere near approaching commonplace, which meant that the special effects team had to actually build little models and make alien costumes to be worn by actual actors. The result is that the special effects in the movie look real, they look tangible and convincing and not like you’re just watching someone play Doom on a N-64 like so, so, so, SO many special effects intensive scifi and/or horror movies today.

And can you believe the luck of Michael Biehn? That dude starred with THE two hottest “tough-chick” actresses in Hollywood back in the day: here in Aliens with Sigourney Weaver and also in The Terminator with Linda Hamilton!

REVIEW UPDATE ALERT!!!! - It has been brought to my attention by alert reader Moocko that Sigourney Weaver did NOT in fact win the Oscar for her role in Aliens she was only nominated. I must note, however, that she did in fact win the Nobel Prize in 1986 for her daring and groundbreaking work in the field of Quantum String Theory, which, though not as cool, is still quite an acheivement. Especially since most of her calculations were done on an Etch-A-Sketch while piloting a boat in the Royal English Annual Krumpet and Cakes Regatta...which she also won. I apologize for the misinformation and swear upon this Guiness Book of World Records that it will never happen again. Coincidentally, Sigourney Weaver also holds the world record for the number of Cheeze-Its crammed into a single nostril. Thank you for your time.

- Clif

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