Blastfighter (1984)

Directed by: Lamberto Bava
Starring: Michael Sopkiw, George Eastman

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Redneck 1 [Whistles at girl]: Heeey, Lolllyypopppp!
Redneck 2: Why are you calling that child lollypop?
Redneck 1: If you could lick her, you'd find out!

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Blastfighter is a damn strange movie. Directed by Lamberto Bava (under the pseudonym John Old Jr.) just a few years after his father died, it started life as a sci-fi flick to be directed by Lucio Fulci. But when complications arose during production, the original script was tossed, and Morando Morandini Jr. and Dardano Sacchetti were called in to start over. Give them credit for not even trying to make a movie that fit with the already-announced title, instead churning out this jaw-dropping redneck-rampage/anti-Asian/father-daughter-bonding movie, complete with a country-western theme song by the Bee Gees!

Jake 'Tiger' Sharp (Michael Sopkiw) gets out of jail after serving 8 years for murdering his wife's killer. He decides to move to a quiet forest cabin, but on his first day there he uncovers a sinister plot by the locals to shoot (but not kill) deer and boar, and deliver the still-twitching animals to the "local chink" who "makes a fortune selling their livers and horns and shit to his gook buddies - they use it as aphrodisiac!" Sharp doesn't take kindly to this poor treatment of animals, and he takes even less kindly to the local rednecks killing his pet deer. He runs the Chinaman out of town, sparking a full-scale war between him and the good-ol'boy club.

That would be enough movie for most directors, but not Bava. As if Tiger didn't have enough on his plate with his animal-rights issues, he is surprised by the sudden appearance of his estranged daughter - the young, but extremely bosomy Connie (Valentina Forte), who is looking to re-connect with her felon father. Tiger doesn't know the shapely Connie is his daughter at first, so cut him some slack for the gratuitous oogling he gives her rack as she showers, ok?

Throughout the course of the film Tiger and Connie try to bond, but more often than not, their father/daughter moments get cut short by things like random barrages of flaming barrels that the angry rednecks toss their way. Just as well, because these 'tender' moments are, more often than not, awkward:

Tiger: Where's your balls Connie?
Connie: What did you say?
Tiger: I said let's go.
Connie: You called me Connie... that's the first time you've said my name. OK, let's go... Daddy.
Tiger: You're a nut. Didn't I ever spank you?

Blastfighter is set firmly in Mid-80's Action Movie Universe... a place where cars blow up at the slightest provocation (we're talking double digits here) and where the bad guys come in seemingly endless swarms. Seriously... its like Contra with rednecks. The movie is pure gold for those of us who like these sorts of things (and if you don't, you don't know what you're missing.)

Watch for the scene where Tiger fishes a bullet out of his still-conscious daughter's leg with a red-hot knife, - a process which, if you believe her reaction, isn't as bad as it sounds. She passes out towards the end, so he helpfully wakes her up in time to ask "I've gotta pull the bones apart before setting the splint... can ya handle it?"

For an Italian film, the rednecks in this movie are pretty dead-on. Bava shot the entire thing in Georgia, and apart from a few misplaced "y'alls" (they never seem to grasp that y'all implies more than one) the writers captured the deep south fairly well. Or at least the twisted movie version of the deep south that we all love. In fact, the film even has a cameo by Hoyt Pollard (Deliverance) as, you guessed it, a banjo player. The rest of the rednecks in this movie are mindless killing machines, getting progressively more evil as the film wears on. Finally they push Tiger past his breaking point, and for the last 20 minutes he goes Dolemite on them, randomly jumping out of piles of leaves, wildly throwing himself at the nearest bad guys... it's fan-freaking-tastic.

Tiger eventually pulls out his trusty multi-purpose shotgun - the most bad-ass weapon this side of Rambo's hunting knife. You'd think having a shotgun that can take a man's arm off would be enough... but this baby also shoots napalm-filled shells that can set a guy on fire, and smoke bombs strong enough to obscure entire portions of the forest.

Blastfighter can be purchased at Digital Conquest. As far as I know, they're the only ones with the uncut 92 minute, extra bloody version, so don't waste your time with other versions.

- Micah