Boogeyman

Directed by: Stephen Kay
Starring: Skye McCole Bartusiak, Emily Deschanel, Lucy Lawless, Barry Watson

WARNING: This review contains a few statements which may be considered SPOILERS. However, since you should never waste a moment of your precious life watching this movie anyway, go ahead and read.

Here’s an itemized list of why this movie should be removed from the shelves and burned:

1) CGI bad guy. The bad guy in Boogeyman (i.e. the Boogeyman) is done COMPLETELY in CGI. Even shots where they could have EASILY had a guy in a suit and makeup just stand there motionless, they used CGI. What’s worse, is that the CGI was absolutely horrible! I’ve seen more realistic CGI from ColecoVision!

2) The Startle Crutch. I just made that term up, but what it refers to is when a “horror” movie relies too much on startling the crowd instead of actually scaring the crowd. For instance: The main character is staring, concerned and deep in thought, at some sort of clue or interesting set piece. The scene is totally quiet. No music. No background sound. The camera zooms in slowly on the character’s contemplative, furrowed brow. Slowly…quietly…slowly…furrowing the brow…staring…AND THEN A SEMI DRIVES BY AS THE SOUND ENGINEER RAMS THE AUDIO UP TO ELEVEN CAUSING THE AUDIENCE TO MAKE BOOM-BOOM IN THEIR PANTS EVEN THOUGH THE SEMI HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT!!! Granted, this element can be used well if used sparingly, but Boogeyman is entirely composed of this sort of cheap shot. I didn’t fear the Boogeyman once while watching this movie, but I was absolutely terrified to take another sip of coffee just knowing that A TELEPHONE IN THE MOVIE WOULD RING FOR NO REASON AT VOLUME LEVELS APPROACHING THAT OF SPACE SHUTTLE LAUNCHES CAUSING ME TO SPILL SCALDING HOT FOLGERS DIRECTLY ONTO MY CROTCH!!

3) Horrible acting. I guess the filmmakers blew so much of their budget on the incredibly expensive Galaga quality CGI that they couldn’t afford to hire any actors.

4) Too many horror movie clichés. Let’s face it, there are a few horror movie elements that have cropped up in the past ten years that are now WAY over used. This movie has more than its fair share: a) The pasty-faced creepy kid who “knows” something, b) The crazy incoherent writing totally covering every wall in a room, c) The character you think is alive but turns out to really be a ghost, d) The suddenly ramped up, jerky film speed, e) The perpetually overcast weather, f) etc., g) etc.

Side note: if you want to see movies that employ these sorts of elements well, here’s a list: Jacob’s Ladder, Se7en, The Sixth Sense, The Shining, Psycho, and Poltergeist just to name a few.

5) WTF?! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is explained in this movie. We never find out why there is a boogeyman to begin with, why he abducts people, why the main character is somehow the only one who can defeat him, why the boogeyman only appears when the main character is around (which is stated as fact later in the movie even though the boogeyman had apparently been kidnapping people from the town for YEARS before the main character returns to the town,) why the one kid who was able to escape was able to escape (sort of...the kid’s a ghost…I think,) and why some coked up movie suit gave this screenplay a green light.

Please, if you decide, for whatever insane reason, that you just have to see this movie, at least use a coupon for the rental. Maybe even split the cost with 40 or so friends so that you aren’t getting ripped off too much.



Clif

Want to share an opinion about this movie or review? To the forums!