9/10/05 Quentin Tarantino Festival - Day 2 - All Night '80s Horror Marathon
I'm not going to lie... I was greatly conflicted about this night. It features two things I absolutely love - horror movies and all night marathons - and one thing I generally hate - movies from the 80's. But hell, it's the QT Festival, and two out of three ain't bad.
Now I'm no stranger to all night horror marathons... in fact, my last such marathon was only a few months back. However, you never know exactly how your body and mind are going to react to one of these deals. Before heading to the Drafthouse I totalled up the run times of these movies and found Tarantino had programmed over 9 hours of horror films.
Add in the dozens of trailers, bathroom breaks between movies, and the introductions by Tarantino, and I knew this thing was likely to run 11+ hours. Throw in the fact that the whole thing doesn't kick off until 8-ish, and I was in for a long night. But Ive got my $8 cup of bottomless coffee, a smuggled bag of beef jerky, and I can't think of anywhere else I would rather be than QT's Horror Marathon at the Alamo Drafthouse.
Editor's Note: Can we find another phrase for the concept of coffee with free refills? How about 'Coffee with Free Refills'? I know the phrase isn't supposed to be taken literally, but it's still fucking dumb. It would be like fast food places selling sodas with 'Infinity Straws.' Resume broadcast.
Drafthouse owner Tim League kicks off the night with an empassioned speech about the Sacred Spaces of movie theaters, and how we should all take this precious message on the road with us, and to tell those assholes with cell phones to get the fuck out of our theaters. I agree 100%... great way to kick of the night. Even Tarantino seems impressed when he takes the stage and begins to talk about the night's first movie...
Psycho II (1983)
Directed by: Richard Franklin
Starring: Anthony Perkins & Meg Tilly
Tarantino Introduction:
Tarantino started by saying how it was no secret he doesn't really like Hitchcock movies. In particular, he really doesn't like Psycho. He likes the sequels better, he likes the remakes better, he likes other directors doing Hitchcock better... you the the idea. He would actually revisit this point later on when we watched a mediocre Psycho rip-off (Funeral Home) and Tarantino enthusiastically announced that he even liked that better than Psycho. The guy really hates Psycho.
Anyway, he started off with Psycho II for a few reasons. First, he really liked the director Richard Franklin. He also claims that he feels this is Perkins' best work. The basic plot of the movie is that Norman Bates is finally getting released from the insane asylum after being adjucicated no longer insane. This pisses off some of the relatives of Bates' victims, and they decide to begin a campain to drive Bates crazy again, with the hope of getting him back in jail.
The leader of this campain is played by Vera Miles, and Tarantino told us how he and his friends used to get so pissed off at this lady. "Damnit... leave the poor fuckin guy alone, alright! He's just trying to run a motel and you guys keep fuckin' with him. Vera Miles is such a bitch!" He was getting pretty worked up, with was funny, but he was totally right. Bates is a very sympathetic character in this movie. He really doesn't deserve all the torment he's getting, and by the time he starts to do something about it, you're rooting for the guy.
Tarantino also told us to watch for his all-time favorite line reading in any movie. Bates has just come back to his motel for the first night, and he's got a female guest for dinner. He hands her a sandwich, and she asks if he has anything to cut it with. Now, Bates is already feeling jittery from all the bad memories in the motel, and he definately doesn't want to open the drawer with the big knives in it. So he looks at her and manages to choke out "No, I just moved it. I've haven't had time to get any... ccccccccccUTLERY!" It's the spastic delivery of 'cutlery' that had Tarantino, and the rest of us rolling.
There's actually quite a bit of witty dialogue in the movie. At one point Norman has a run-in with his motel manager (played with sleazy brilliance by Dennis Franz), but he decides to back down and not get in a fist fight. His co-worked commends him saying "I could have killed that guy, but you were so cool!" to which Bates calmly tells her "No, I don't kill people... anymore."
After the film was over, the response I heard over and over again was how freakin' good that movie was, and how much it suprised everyone. Meg Tilly is really cool in this movie also, I'm going to have to track down some of her other films and see what this 'Other Tilly' has been up to. Great start to the night, I'd definately suggest you rent this one.
Trailers: Before the movie we got trailers for Psycho II, Dressed to Kill, Happy Birthday To Me ('Witness 6 of the Most Bizzare Deaths Ever Filmed!'), and Friday the 13th Part 2 (Red Band).
Funeral Home (1980)
Directed by: William Fruet
Tarantino Introduction:
Before this film started Tim told us that this feature was what he liked to call 'Pie Night at the Alamo.' Seems one of the night's sponsers was a place called Wild Pies, so we were all treated to our choice of free pie. The Apple is great, so check them out online if you get the chance.
Tarantino took the stage again and told us that this movie was his favorite Canadian Slasher. He also let us know right up front that were were about to watch a blatant Psycho rip-off, with a Grandmother/Grandfather combo instead of Mother/Son. And, as I mentioned above, Tarantino claims to like Funeral Home better than Psycho.
He also told us to watch for 'the creepiest cat in cinema history.' "If you want a creepy cat man, go to Canada. Their cat's are fucked up." By the way, the cat in question is pretty creepy until you see it credited as 'Mittens the Cat'. Somehow that lessened the cat's credibility in my eyes.
Trailers:
The Funhouse: A good carnival horror film by Tobe Hooper. House on Sorority Row: College girls go mad. Galaxy of Terror: The first of two Alien ripoffs that we see trailers for. I'm not looking it up, but I'm pretty sure Joanie from Happy Days was in this movie. Sid Haig is also in it, and the trailer shows him getting killed by his own amputated arm. Plus it was the Red Band version, so they threw in a gratuitous shower scene where the two women were actually discussing plot in addition to being naked. The Hitcher: The Terror Starts When He Stops! Forbidden World: The second Alien ripoff. Needs more Joanie. Don't Go In the House: And if you do, don't say we didn't warn you!
The Movie:
Tarantino told us that he likes to throw in a sleeper as the second film in a festival, idealy after an opening movie with some cachet like Psycho II. Well this one was definately a sleeper for me, as I almost dozed off a couple of times. Not sure what the deal was, just seemed kinda slow.
The story involves a girl who has moved in for the summer with her Grandmother to help her run a Bed & Breakfast. The Grandmother is obsessed with talking about Grandfather, a man who 'mysteriously went missing' a few years back. The girl starts to hear stories that her Grandfather actually ran off with another woman, and when she starts to hear her grandmother talking to someone in the basement, things get weird. No two ways about it, this is Psycho, and it just didn't do it for me. No fear, it's past 1 in the morning, and we've still got 4 movie to go. I'm sure there's plenty more goodies ahead.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Directed by: Charles E. Sellier Jr
Tarantino Introduction:
Silent Night, Deadly Night wasn't the first Killer Santa movie, but it may be the best. Tarantino says he never saw this movie in the theater because after it started it's run in the South, the trailer for the movie got people so worked up that the studio pulled the movie before releasing it further. Finally last year he saw it for the first time, and was blown away by this 'sick fucking movie... it's truly wittily demented. If you're like me and you love to see young actors traumatized... I'm talking these kids are going to need fucking counseling after filming... this movie is for you!"
Another interesting thing is that Quentin said he, without hyperbole, feels the opening scene in this movie (where a supposedly comatose grandfather freaks out his grandson by telling him Santa is going to punish him) is one of the best opening scenes of all time. He happened to mention this to Rodriguez last week, and Rodriguez apparently launched into the grandfather's monologue word for word: "If you see Santa coming... you better run the other way BOY!!!."
Much like Psycho II, this movie is almost totally focused on the killer. This kid gets put through so much shit, by the time he finally starts killing people you're totally happy for him. "The fucking Earth deserves it man! Kill em' all Billy! It's like you're jerking off for 45 minutes, and when he starts to go on his rampage, you finally get to cum, alright?". Truly inspired intro that got us all fired up for the movie. But first...
Trailers:
Blowout: A film by De Palma that is apparently a take-off of Antonioni's Blowup. With Travolta. Venom: Snake horror. Videodrome: Great trailer, lots of cheers when this one started. Visiting Hours: Quick teaser for a great looking hospital horror film. It has the outside of a multi-storied hospital with all the lights on. Then the lights begin to go off randomly until the only ones left on form a giant skull. Cool. Of Unknown Origin: Yet another Alien rip off.
The Movie:
I'm not going to say much about the plot of this movie, because it needs to be experienced to be appreciated. I will say however that young Billy lands a job in the most rad 80's toystore I have ever seen. I could barely concentrate on the movie during those scenes... I was just drooling at all the toys: Stuff Yer Face, Castle of Greyskull, He-Man Kites, the old Halloween Masks with accompanying Latex suits, Jabba the Hutt Playset, Smurf Colorforms, Muppets Dolls, and so much more crammed into shelf after shelf of geek heaven. I was glad when they got out of there so I could focus on the movie again. (One question though, I kinda understand why the backroom of a toystore would have an axe, but a fully functioning bow & arrow?)
The other thing that I really appreciated is that it was the only movie (with the maybe exception of Madman Marz) that had the obligatory cheesy 80's musical montage. This one was of the 'Learning My Job & Making Friends' variety. Too bad they had to unroll that damn Santa poster. Another movie that you should definately watch with a crowd if you ever get the chance... the audience was totally into this one.
Note to any Hollywood Types in the Reading Audience: Immediately after this movie ended I had one piercing thought... would someone PLEASE give us a Silent Night, Deadly Night prequel focusing on the source of the grandfather's neurosis? That would be a badass movie. Seriously, what has to happen in your life before you deliver a speech like that to a little kid, much less your own grandchild?
Beyond Evil (1980)
Directed by: Herb Freed
Starring: John Saxon
Tarantino Introduction:
Tarantino show up onstage with a can of Schlitz Malt Liquor for this intro... that's so badass. He mentions how that last movie makes him want to have kids, just so he can show them that movie pretending it's going to be a sweet Christmas classic. Then BOOM gotcha kid!
The fourth movie of the night is Beyond Evil. It's a possession movie, and was the only movie I had seen before tonight. However, I didn't realize I had seen it until about 10 minutes into the movie. It's the kind of movie that will do that to you... I call them Teflon Flicks, although you could call them Keyser Soze Cinema if you want. You watch it, maybe enjoy it, but it makes absolutely no impression on you afterwards.
In fact, the best Tarantino could muster for this movie was that it is "a little bit better in every area than it should be. Not a lot better, but a bit." One wonders why you would progam such a movie at this hour in the night, but I suspect it's so that we could settle down from the awesomeness that was Silent Night, Deadly Night.
One thing I did get out of this intro was the great phrase "Soft Cock Role." Tarantino used it to describe the type of role in these possession flicks where the wife is getting possessed and the husband doesn't really know what to do about it. John Saxon has that role here, and he does just about as good a job as you can do with a Soft Cock Role. This was made doubly apparent in the next movie when Marjoe Gortner takes over the Soft Cock Role and is such an over-the-top pussy that it is hard to believe. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Trailers: Amityville II, Don't Answer the Phone, Creature (starring an elderly Klaus Kinski... this trailer was cool because it ended with the tagline: He Kills to Live and Lives to. The trailer cut there, and the audience finished in unison 'KILL!' Nerds), Silent Scream (Terror So Sudden There's No Time to Scream!), and He Knows You're Alone.
The Movie:
Not much to say about this movie other than the fact that Lynda Day George has incredibly veiny cleavage. Oh that, and the fact that (until Mausoleum played) this movie had the most arbitrary way of defeating the villain of the night. Wanna know how to kill a demon? Put a wedding ring on it's finger. This movie finished around 3:30 to almost complete silence.
Mausoleum (1983)
Directed by: Michael Dugan
Tarantino Introduction:
Tarantino had told us at the beginning of the night that it was OK to laugh at this movie, as opposed to with it. He hyped it up as "the same movie as Beyond Evil, but not as good... in fact it's pretty fucking stupid. However, it does remedy the one thing that was missing from Tarzoon last night. Tarzoon an army of penii, but none of the women had snapping breasts. This movie fixes that. Enjoy Masoleum.
Trailers: The Burning (cool looking camp slasher with a garden shears killer), Dead Zone (another trailer that got a lot of positive reactions when it began... it's also the only trailer I've ever seen where the credits at the end roll like a regular movie), Hell Night ('I've got quaaludes and Jack Daniels!'...'You're one Radical Chick!!!'), and Silent Rage (starring Chuch Norris, the 'Master Fighter of Our Time.')
The Movie:
Despite Tarantino's lukewarm support for this movie, I actually liked it more than Beyond Evil. As I said before Marjoe Gortner is a huge pussy in this movie. He's the kinda guy that comes home and finds his wife naked and ready to go in front of the fireplace, and instead of pouncing on her, he tells her he loves her and kisses her knee! Later in the movie he decides to take her out for an evening on the town and he asks her if she "Wants to go do some dancing."
He's so damn clueless in this movie it's ridiculous. His wife has been possessed but he's just oblivious. There's literally a scene that goes almost verbatim like this:
Gortner: Have you seen the gardener lately?
Her: Nope, I'm sure he'll turn up.
Phone Rings, he answers.
Gortner: What about your aunt? She's missing too.
Her: Nope, I'm sure she'll turn up.
Gortner: Oh, the maid is missing too, know anything about her?
Her: Nope, I'm sure she'll turn up.
Gortner: Cool.
As if this weren't bad enough, by this point he has already literally seen his wife turn into a demon. His response to that was to call a doctor, make an appointment, and go back to bed with her. The only time he really gets steamed is when his wife comes home with a painting of a topless chick on a centuar that she stole from the mall: "What the Hell is this?!? There's something wrong with you!"
It was an admittedly odd response, but it was good to see him mad about something. Of course, he apologized a few hours later and told her she could keep the painting, so he's still a pussy (albeit a pussy with an insanely badass car.)
Last thing about this movie... watch for the maid. She's only in two scenes, but she steals them both, and gets to deliver the classic line: "There's some shit goin' on here!" accompanied by some 'Running Away Music' that was two clicks below Benny Hill. Place went nuts for that.
Oh, last last thing. This movie stole the Arbitraty Demon Defeat mechanism from Beyond Evil. Instead of a mystical wedding ring, the demon in this movie is defeated by a magic hat, like he's Frosty the Fucking Snowman or something.
Shit, last thing x3 about this movie. After the big demon defeat, there's this pseudo twist reveal that the gardener (who was killed earlier in the movie) is actually part of the lineage that defends the sanctity of the masoleum and the magic hat. Once this is revealed the gardener looks right at the screen and laughs. Long and hard. And, as Tarantino pointed out before the next movie, he's not laughing maniacally. He's laughing directly at us, the viewer, who just spend 90 minutes watching a movie with an incomprehensible plot and a pussywhipped lead.
Editors Note - That last review may have come off like a bunch of bitching, but I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. It was a perfect late night film that probably should have played last.
Madman Marz (1982)
Directed by: Joe Giannone
Festival Interlude:
Between each movie there have been 15-20 minute bathroom breaks, during which the Drafthoue crew plays trailers or clips from different movies. I expected this break to be the same, but when I got back from the bathroom I found to my suprise that Tim League, genius that he is, was playing all 5 parts of R Kelly's absolutely ridiculous Urban Opera. And while I generally dislike R Kelly's music in general, and that 'song' in particular, I'll be damned if that 20 minutes doesn't end up being one of my to 5 favorite QT6 moments. It was something you truly had to experience to understand, but just imagine a roomful of tired movie geeks at 6 in the morning, all staring raptly (and perhaps excitedly) at 20 minutes of R Kelly videos. It was a brilliant moment that you probably couldn't plan where all the elements come together to make something immensely entertaining against all odds.
Tarantino Introduction:
QT's intro was short here... just basically set this one up as an unseen slasher, one of the last of the first big wave of slasher movies. Trailers: Alone in the Dark (the non-shitty version), The Howling, Slumber Party Massacre (the Red Band trailer that I love), Prom Night (another Red Band).
The Movie:
Nothing really worth mentioning. Madman Marz was a completely by-the-books camp slasher movie. 6 kids, 6 counselors, 1 cook, and one adult leader get terrorized by a killer who everyone thought was only a campfire legend. The lead counselor is a supposedly hep cat named TP... he's even got a giant belt buckle with TP stamped on the front.
The movie also was kind enough to show us our second uneeded hairy male ass of the night (the first was Silent Night Deadly Night) and ironically neither scene with man-ass compensated by showing any female nudity. Guess the woman's libbers won that fight.
And that was the night. Despite my trepidation at spending 12 hours with the 80's, it was time well spent. Now I must get a few hours of sleep before heading back up for Australian Night at the Drafthouse. Whose bright idea was it to start Sunday at 5 after an all night marathon?
- Micah
